FSNews (March 14, 2008) - Scientists Discover Global Warming Actually Reduces Global Warming
Scientists at the International Climate Change Conference last week presented controversial but convincing findings that global warming is actually reducing the human carbon footprint, and thus, reducing global warming. Lead scientist, Dr. Thordog says, "It's quite simple really, we discovered that by increasing global temperatures, we can actually have a real measurable impact on the human carbon footprint." Unlike some climate change skeptics, Dr. Thordog and his group concedes that carbon emissions into the atmosphere is contributing to global warming. "We admit it, the research does not lie. Carbon emissions have been increasing the average global temperature. But the most effective way to reduce our carbon footprint is to continue to spew more and more carbon into the atmosphere. A large portion of our carbon emissions come from the fact that the world is too cold. We emit carbon every time we heat our homes in the winter. We emit carbon when we drive to work instead of riding our bikes or walking, because it's too cold out. We emit carbon when we fly to Hawaii because there is no nice tropical spot near our homes." Dr. Thordog says, luckily these "human bad habits" are changing. And global warming is driving these changes. "We find that as temperatures increase, we need less power to heat our homes, we bike and walk more, and we don't need to make extravagant trips to the tropics, as we can just enjoy the nice hot temperature outside." Thordog's research shows that by creating global warming we are actually decreasing our carbon footprint, and thus decreasing global warming.
Leading climate change researcher and environmental activist Dr. Ivaracat was stunned by the findings, "It's hard to argue with hard scientific facts and logic such as these."
Dr. Thordog and his team of researchers are about to embark on a lecture tour around the world to tell people about the dire implications of their research, and they are shopping their tour to independent film producers. The researchers want a film crew to cover their journey showing the world their startling results. "It's going to be a difficult message to tell people," says Thordog. "'You have to emit more carbon in order to reduce your carbon emissions.' It's the opposite of what many people have been trying to do. But what we're doing now, is counterproductive and needs to stop. Otherwise, it will spiral out of control. People need to hear the dire truth. We all have to make sacrifices." The lecture tour is tentatively called "A Convenient Truth."