Fake Science News - Scientists Discover Global Warming Actually Reduces Global Warming

FSNews (March 14, 2008) - Scientists Discover Global Warming Actually Reduces Global Warming

Scientists at the International Climate Change Conference last week presented controversial but convincing findings that global warming is actually reducing the human carbon footprint, and thus, reducing global warming. Lead scientist, Dr. Thordog says, "It's quite simple really, we discovered that by increasing global temperatures, we can actually have a real measurable impact on the human carbon footprint." Unlike some climate change skeptics, Dr. Thordog and his group concedes that carbon emissions into the atmosphere is contributing to global warming. "We admit it, the research does not lie. Carbon emissions have been increasing the average global temperature. But the most effective way to reduce our carbon footprint is to continue to spew more and more carbon into the atmosphere. A large portion of our carbon emissions come from the fact that the world is too cold. We emit carbon every time we heat our homes in the winter. We emit carbon when we drive to work instead of riding our bikes or walking, because it's too cold out. We emit carbon when we fly to Hawaii because there is no nice tropical spot near our homes." Dr. Thordog says, luckily these "human bad habits" are changing. And global warming is driving these changes. "We find that as temperatures increase, we need less power to heat our homes, we bike and walk more, and we don't need to make extravagant trips to the tropics, as we can just enjoy the nice hot temperature outside." Thordog's research shows that by creating global warming we are actually decreasing our carbon footprint, and thus decreasing global warming.

Leading climate change researcher and environmental activist Dr. Ivaracat was stunned by the findings, "It's hard to argue with hard scientific facts and logic such as these."

Dr. Thordog and his team of researchers are about to embark on a lecture tour around the world to tell people about the dire implications of their research, and they are shopping their tour to independent film producers. The researchers want a film crew to cover their journey showing the world their startling results. "It's going to be a difficult message to tell people," says Thordog. "'You have to emit more carbon in order to reduce your carbon emissions.' It's the opposite of what many people have been trying to do. But what we're doing now, is counterproductive and needs to stop. Otherwise, it will spiral out of control. People need to hear the dire truth. We all have to make sacrifices." The lecture tour is tentatively called "A Convenient Truth."

FSNews Report - Fake Science News Report

FSNews report (March 14, 2008) - Backpack Gene Sequencing Kit Sparks Wal-Mart Riots, and Gene-Patent Application Frenzy Reminiscent of 1849 Gold Rush.

A new backpack gene sequencer has hit Wal-Mart shelves, sparking dangerous aisle stampedes in the giant retailer's stores across the country. Hospitals reported a sharp uptick in the number of Trampled Toes and Elbowed Ribs showing up in ER's since the product's release.

So what's all the hype about? Consumers are rushing to get a hold of this year's must have consumer product. Called the D-NAP-Sack, an acronym for DNA Patent Speculator's pACK, the backpack device is the first consumer DNA sequencer to hit the U.S. market. Dr. Svenstein, the pack's creator, says that "the backpack will finally bring DNA sequencing to the masses." Analysts say that the product is sending shockwaves through the biomedical patent industry. "You no longer have to buy million dollar sequencers or trawl the bottoms of the ocean on a sailboat to find, sequence, and most importantly, patent genes," says one biotech analyst. "all you need is 30 bucks."

Earl, an Alabama native, borrowed $30 dollars from a cousin and started sequencing. He loves it. "It's so easy," he says, "You can just go into your backyard, grab something interesting, drop it in the front pouch of the backpack, and the D-NAP-Sack does all the work for you. It chops, dices, and sequences all the genes, and tells you all the genes it has found. If you put two things in, it finds the SNPs [Single Nucleotide Polymorphisms] too! Then, the pack prints out a pre-filled patent application form with an addressed envelope which you can mail to the U.S. Patent Office. All you need is a stamp. By the way, do you have thirty-nine cents?" Lucky for Earl, we did. "You can put anything in this thing." says Earl, "You'd be amazed. This DNA stuff is everywhere!" Earl has already filed for over 28 patents for previously undiscovered genes, and is hunting for more. One of those genes could hit the jackpot. Analysts say that a patent on a gene or SNP can be extremely valuable. You might have just found a cure for obesity, or the gene for being extremely tall. Earl has his finger's crossed, "I don't know what these genes I own do, but I hope it's important." Earl's wife is not so hot on the D-NAP-Sack. Things have started going missing around the house, including their cat.

The D-NAP-Sack's retail price is $29.97, but the hard-to-find item is listing on eBay at prices over $300, more than the Wii. The pack comes in dark forest green, desert camouflage, navy blue, and pink hello kitty varieties.

Psychology's Egg: Humpty Dumpty

Studying Psychology is often like the ole nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

It's easy to push Humpty Dumpty off the wall and break him into pieces, or in Psychology, variables and constructs. We break behavior, personality, thoughts and emotion into teeny little parts and look at them as individual components that make up a human being.

But when we try to put Humpty Dumpty back together again, he's just never the same egg.

All the king's horses and all the king's men
couldn't put Humpty together again.

Good Science Predictions and Theories

How often does this happen to you?

You get your data, and all the results are in the completely opposite direction your theory predicted, and you find yourself thinking, "well... hmm.... that could still make sense..."

fMRI data

Looking at fMRI data is like being in space, there is no up and down, left or right. There are only relative directions.